Like You, Mom

No too long ago, Josie and I were at odds with each other as I carried out a consequence to one of her actions (read: punishment for lying). As we sat together in the small room talking about her actions and my reactions, through her tears, she tried to defend her actions. When that didn't work to alleviate the punishment, she pulled out the big guns, "Mom, do you even know? I only ever wanted to be like YOU!" In that moment, with tears streaming down her face, she stabbed a dagger into my soul and turned it deep. Ouch... that statement hurt. It hurt because I knew she was speaking truth. It hurt because it was an otherwise sweet statement said with bitterness in a difficult moment. It hurt because I fell even more in love with her as my daughter in that very moment.

That was over a week ago and her declaration continues to haunt me. It doesn't hurt anymore, in fact, Eric and I have lauged about how manipulative and dramatic it sounded. But I can't shake it off as Josie just "working me" or the situation. Josie is our senstive girl. She speaks from the heart and in those raw moments of life, she bears her soul. There is no doubt in my mind, that while her words were timed in such a way as to be seen as manipulative and caniving, that they were actually truth. And that truth comes with a huge burden for me in yet another lesson on parenting.

As a parent, and as a mother of daughters, I am well aware that I am a role model for living. I know that when I tell them to "use your fruits" in terms of gentleness, patience, and self-control, that I need to make sure I, too, am using my fruits. When I expect honesty, I know I have to be honest. But it goes beyond that. As a mother of daughters I am reminded that they are watching me and how I live in this world on a daily basis. They are watching me as a mother in being nurturing and caring -- that is reflective in their imaginary play. They watch me as a professional clergy-woman as I pray with families, preach, teach, and lead worship and they reflect those learnings as they explore the sanctuary chancel or as they pray for friends. They watch me as a wife in how I love and care for their daddy as they learn what love is all about. And they watch me as a woman as I dress, do my hair, apply make-up, and show off my freshly-painted toes. Everything I do is a witness to who I am as their mom as and a woman in this world, and as such, is potential seed for our girls as they grow to find their way as successful women.

"I only ever wanted to be like you, Mom." Wow. How wonderful to have a daughter who looks up to me that much. I know there are days and years ahead where I will fall from her graces (it's called the teenage years, I remember them well), but to know that in this moment in time, as our daughter thinks about the woman she wants to become, I am one of her primary models to look to -- well, that is just amazing. Humbling, but amazing.